My advocacy origin story: Fr. Jeff Finley's abuse and church officials' disrespect toward adult victims of priest sexual misconduct

Author’s note: This article describes sexually inappropriate actions by a priest toward a young adult.

Four years ago today, I finally did something I had been putting off for years: I reported Fr. Jeff Finley to the Diocese of Oakland for sexually inappropriate behavior that he exhibited toward me as a vulnerable young man attending St. Edward Catholic Church in Newark, CA in the early 2000s.

I would have never guessed that the reporting process, Finley’s behavior after my report, and the callousness of church officials I dealt with, would be more traumatic than the initial abuse I experienced.

The first time Fr. Finley invited me to his private quarters was at a weekend retreat put on by St. Edward’s in 2000. The only church retreats I’d attended before this one were meant for teens. So I was surprised to see wine being served after dinner at this “adult” retreat. I helped myself to a glass and sat alone.

Father Finley must have noticed that I looked a little young to be drinking alcohol (despite my confidence that I could pass as older at the time), so he came up to me and politely asked me if I was over 21. I told him the truth. I was only 20. He asked me if I was going to be driving anywhere that night. I said no. Father Finley then made a decision that would end up destroying his priesthood: He invited me to come to his private room after dinner so he could get to know me since we had never spoken to each other before.

It’s often embarrassing for me to look back at this years later. Why would a priest more than twice my age want to invite me to a late-night meeting in his room just minutes after meeting me for the first time? Over the years, I would often feel guilty for not knowing better. But it was not my job to know better. It was Fr. Finley’s job to know better.

When you grow up Catholic, it is common to see priests the same way many people view celebrities, and having “backstage” access to a priest makes you feel special. This culture, along with my own interest at the time to pursue the priesthood made me want to “hang out” with Fr. Jeff.

Shortly after I arrived to Fr. Finley’s private room at the retreat center, he told me that he needed to make a “pit stop” and walked into the restroom. It was then that I heard something I never thought I’d hear in my life: a priest urinating. Of course I knew priests peed like everyone else, but it was one of the first times that I ever experienced a priest as a “real” person and not some superhuman being that is different from the rest of us.

I don’t remember how long I stayed in Fr. Finley’s room. Maybe an hour, or maybe two. And I don’t remember much of what we talked about. But I assume I must have been flattered by the time and attention that he was paying to me.

I do remember that, at one point in the night while I was sitting on the couch, Fr. Finley laid down on the couch next to me and put his feet up on my knees. Even at the time, I thought that this was an awkward and overly familiar way to act with someone who you’ve just met. I felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t say anything. Again, it was not my responsibility to know better. It was Fr. Finley’s responsibility to know better.

(Years later, I remember being upset at a job when I came into work and saw a friend of the owner sitting with their feet on my desk. The man didn’t move his feet when I went to sit at my desk. I remember thinking that this asshole not only feels entitled to my space, but he also wants me to know that he’s entitled to it. When I think about Fr. Finley putting his feet up on me, I wonder if he felt a similar entitlement toward me.)

At one point that night at the retreat, Fr. Finley was sitting next to me on the couch and noticed a rash on the back of my neck. This is a rash that reoccurred over the years ever since I was a teenager. He asked me about my rash, and then, without asking me if it was ok, pushed my head down (and held it down for several awkward seconds) to look at the back of my neck.

I felt very uncomfortable but probably laughed, as many people do when they feel uncomfortable. I didn’t tell Fr. Finley that I was uncomfortable and that it was inappropriate for him assume that he could manhandle me like that.

Even though Fr. Finley did things to me in his room that made me uncomfortable, I still felt special (at the time) that I was able to spend time with a priest that I had admired. Looking back, Fr. Finley’s invitation to me in itself was highly inappropriate and worthy of a complaint to the diocese, even without his inappropriate physical actions toward me.

“Flip flop” of his penis

I remember two nighttime visits to Fr. Finley’s private residence at the St. Edward’s property within a year or two of that retreat. If I remember correctly, the first visit was for me to ask him to sign some paperwork for me as part of my initial inquiry into pursuing seminary education with the Diocese of Oakland. (Looking back, there was no reason to need to go to a priest’s house alone at night just to sign papers). I don’t remember if Fr. Finley invited me or if I asked to be invited. All I remember is being alone with him in his residence.

During one of these visits, which typically lasted hours, Fr. Finley and I somehow got into the subject of underwear preferences. I told him that I wore boxer shorts. He told me that he wears briefs during the day but boxer shorts at night. It was awkward, the priest told me, whenever he had to wake up in the middle of the night for a sick call at the hospital and feel self-conscious about the constant “flip flop” of his penis in his pants.

It was not appropriate for me to have this type of graphic conversation with a priest. But it was not my responsibility to know better. It was Fr. Finley’s responsibility to know better.

“We’ve already gone this far. How about oil?”

I don’t remember if it was that night or another nighttime visit at his residence when Fr. Finley decided to intensify his actions — which the Diocese of Oakland would later refer to as “boundary violations” — with me.

At one point, Fr. Finley sat next to me and was holding my hand — fingers interlaced like I was his boyfriend — while holding me. I don’t remember what brought this on. Considering my emotional state at the time, perhaps I was telling Fr. Finley about something that was greatly upsetting me and looking for comfort. I certainly did not express any romantic interest in him (or any other man).

I don’t remember if this was immediately afterwords or during another visit, but there was one occasion when Fr. Finley began to massage my shoulders. What happened next is something I am horrifically embarrassed to type. I laid down on my stomach as one would do in a massage clinic. I felt hypnotized. It was like laying down on my stomach was an automatic response. Father Finley told me that he used to give massages to fellow students while in seminary, and I jokingly said that guys in seminary should be careful about who they allow to give them massages. (I think this was my attempt to try to convince myself that this massage wasn’t weird or wrong.)

While laying on Fr. Finley’s couch, feeling controlled by him, I thought to myself: It’s all true. All that stuff about priests being perverts is true. It’s happening to me right now.

While massaging my back under my shirt, Fr. Finley asked, “We’ve already gone this far, how about oil?” This question jolted me back into clarity. Father Finley must have noticed my body flinch. He quickly clarified that the oil’s purpose is to make the massage smoother.

I only remember the massage lasting a few more seconds. I felt uncomfortable and probably made an excuse to sit up and end the massage. I didn’t tell Fr. Finley that I was uncomfortable and that he was being inappropriate. It was not my responsibility to know better. It was Fr. Finley’s responsibility to know better.

I still maintained much admiration for Fr. Finley and (what I thought was) a friendship with him, even after his inappropriate actions. I even asked Fr. Finley to administer Anointing of The Sick to a family member of mine who was dying in the hospital. I knew what Fr. Finley did was weird and awkward, but I didn’t understand the gravity at the time.

I ended up telling a few friends about my odd encounters with Fr. Finley. I knew that he acted inappropriately, but the friends that I told were struck that I didn’t realize how creepy the whole thing was.

“What does it feel like to ejaculate?”

Approximately three or four years later, I had lost touch with Fr. Finley. I would see him occasionally around town at various masses, but never talked to him. One day, while talking to a coworker about religion, the subject of Fr. Jeff Finley and St. Edward’s came up. The coworker told me that he used to attend St. Edward’s and knew Finley. I told him what happened with myself and Finley. My coworker then told me a story about what he says he experienced with the priest when my coworker was a teenager.

My coworker said that, while a teen, he once had a disturbing online chat with Fr. Finley. (Considering the time period and the fact that Fr. Finley still has an AOL email address to this day, my guess is that this was on the old AOL Instant Messenger, also known as “AIM”.) The coworker told me that Fr. Finley one day, out of the blue, asked the teen boy, “What does it feel like to ejaculate?” My coworker told me that he immediately told Finley that this was a creepy thing to ask and quickly shut down the chat.

The “A” word

In 2008, I moved from California to Texas to discern with a small Catholic religious order of consecrated brothers and priests. As part of my religious formation, I was asked to meet regularly with a spiritual director.

My spiritual director was an elderly, blunt, no-nonsense priest and seminary professor. After I told him about my uncomfortable experiences as a young man with Fr. Finley, my spiritual director did something that I never did nor had anyone else done at the time: He said what Fr. Jeff Finley did to me was “abuse.”

I initially scoffed at the priest’s audacity to use the “A” word about what I went through. Sure, what I experienced was weird, inappropriate, creepy, etc., but it wasn’t abuse.

Real priest abuse, I thought to myself, was what children went through in all the horrific stories that we heard about just a few years earlier in the Boston Globe “Spotlight” reports on church scandals and coverups. In my situation, though, I was a legal adult and there was no genital touching. So, in my mind, I assumed that I had equal responsibility with Fr. Finley for “letting” inappropriate things happen.

My spiritual director, however, remained firm and continued to refer to what I experienced with Fr. Jeff Finley as “abuse.” He helped me begin to understand that Finley used his positional power to coerce me, and that was a blatant abuse of his role as a priest.

After those discussions with my spiritual director in 2008, I decided that, someday, I should report Finley to his religious superiors at the Missionaries of The Precious Blood. I didn’t know this at the time but, from 2011 to 2014, Fr. Jeff Finley was living in Ontario, Canada and serving as the Provincial Director of his Atlantic Province of the Missionaries of The Precious Blood. That means that Finley himself, during those years, would have been the person tasked to take action about abuse reports against members of the province.

September 2020: Why I finally reported Fr. Jeff Finley

In late September 2020, I received word that a family member of mine in California died from COVID-19. This family member had requested, years in advance, in her final arrangements, for me to read one of the Bible passages during her funeral mass.

Since this was during the pandemic and before a vaccine was available, I had to think about whether it was worth the risk for me to fly from Texas to California for the funeral. I also wanted to look into the COVID restrictions and protocols that were in place at the parish where the funeral was to be held.

When I looked on the Our Lady of The Rosary parish website, I noticed that one of the priests listed on the church website was Fr. Jeff Finley.

I was suddenly faced with the horrific possibility of not only seeing my abuser priest preside at the funeral mass of someone I love, but that I may have to participate in that mass along with him if I attend.

I did not want this to happen. After taking a day to think about it, I decided to report Fr. Jeff Finley to the diocese to (at least) prevent him from being at the funeral. I didn’t care much, at the time, what happened to him after that. All I knew is that I would be sick to see him there.

After putting it off for almost 20 years, I emailed the Diocese of Oakland’s Victim Assistance office a few minutes before midnight on Sep. 29, 2020 to initiate my report against Fr. Jeff Finley.

Low priority

The person listed as the head of the Diocese of Oakland’s Victim Assistance office in September 2020 was Steve Wilcox, who was also the chancellor of the diocese. I didn’t know at the time that it can be problematic to have one of the diocese’s highest officials be the person who is the first contact for priest abuse allegations. Having victim assistance coordinators be employees of the diocese can already be a conflict of interest in itself. But, in Wilcox’s case, being Bishop Michael Barber’s “right-hand man” may cause one to wonder whether Wilcox’s main priority was to help victims or to protect the diocese’s reputation.

After my initial email to Wilcox, I made a phone appointment with him the next day to tell him my story. I told him that my reason for coming forward at this time was to prevent Finley from presiding at my family member’s funeral at Our Lady of The Rosary. Wilcox assured me that Finley would not be there.

I don’t remember if it was during this initial phone call or later when Wilcox admitted to me that the diocese was going to make my case a lower priority because I was an adult when the alleged inappropriate behavior took place.

I didn’t realize at the time just how low a priority it would be for the Diocese of Oakland to treat my case with diligence and respect.

Barely a blip on the radar

In the weeks following my report to the diocese in late September 2020, I monitored the Facebook livestream of masses at Our Lady of The Rosary. I saw that Finley continued to regularly preside at mass, even weeks after I filed my report. I was curious why it was taking so long for my report and investigation to get moving.

Wilcox had informed me that Fr. Finley’s full-time job was in a “civilian” (non-ministry) capacity in palliative care at Washington Hospital in Fremont, with the permission of the diocese and Finley’s religious order, the Missionaries of the Precious Blood.

I learned that, officially, Fr. Finley had no ministry assignment from the Diocese of Oakland at the time of my report. Finley would regularly preside at mass at Our Lady of The Rosary on weekends when he was available. But he was not part of the day-to-day operations of the parish, nor did he live at the church campus. On paper, Fr. Jeff Finley was the responsibility of the Missionaries of the Precious Blood’s Atlantic Province thousands of miles away in Ontario, Canada.

All this means that, as far as the Diocese of Oakland was concerned, Finley was barely a blip on their radar. Finley wasn’t one of their guys, so they didn’t pay much attention to him.

A ticking time bomb

To make matters worse, I would later find out from an official at the Missionaries of The Precious Blood Atlantic Province that Finley had spent the last few years living alone, slowly isolating himself from his religious superiors and was not maintaining regular contact.

I was told by a province official that Fr. Finley was very unhappy during his 2011-2014 tenure serving at the Canadian headquarters as Provincial Director. After his term concluded, Fr. Finley was allowed to move back to California and soon returned to Washington Hospital in Fremont as their new Palliative Care coordinator.

Despite my anger with all that Fr. Jeff Finley put me through, I am confident that the patients he served in palliative care were treated with genuine love and compassion. It is very possible for a priest (or anyone else) to act properly in one area of their life but make poor decisions in other areas of their life.

No matter how well-suited Finley may have been for his hospital job in Fremont, it was extremely unwise for the Missionaries to allow him to live and work roughly 2,600 miles away from the province headquarters.

Although his Washington Hospital colleagues referred to him as “Father,” Finley’s day-to-day life resembled more of a single layman than a Catholic priest. Father Finley’s full-time job was a secular role. He didn’t live at a parish. And, despite being a member of the Missionaries of The Precious Blood, he did not live in a religious community. Yes, Fr. Finley did regularly preside at masses in the diocese, and many Catholics probably didn’t know (or care about) the difference between an “assigned” priest and an “assisting” priest. But, in practicality, being an active priest seemed to be a very small part of Fr. Jeff Finley’s lifestyle in 2020.

A priest in leadership for the Missionaries later admitted to me in a phone conversation that it was unfortunate that the order let Fr. Finley move so far away and “isolate” himself. In my experience, an isolated priest who doesn’t see himself as accountable to a religious superior is a ticking time bomb.

I suspect that Fr. Finley’s lack of healthy integration with his religious community was a major factor in his inability to respond maturely and prudently to my sexual misconduct report against him.

November 2020: Diocese of Oakland temporarily suspends Fr. Jeff Finley

In mid-November 2020, after weeks of me having to continue to contact the Diocese of Oakland to ask for updates on my report, Steve Wilcox informed me that Fr. Jeff Finley was now placed under temporary suspension while my report was being investigated. Wilcox told me that Fr. Finley would not be allowed to say mass, and that he would also be placed on temporary leave from Washington Hospital. (Father Finley being placed on leave from hospital work turned out to be inaccurate, since the diocese had no authority over Finley’s secular employment.)

I asked Wilcox if the diocese planned to publish a public statement about Fr. Finley’s suspension and investigation, as is common in many other dioceses. Wilcox said no. The Diocese of Oakland does not publish such statements, I was told.

I was also told in mid-November that I would be contacted soon by a third-party investigator who would take down my story.

December 13, 2020: Fr. Jeff Finley publicly lies about his suspension

At the end of the Dec. 13, 2020 mass at Our Lady of The Rosary, pastor Fr. Jesús Nieto-Ruiz, read a letter from Finley explaining why he’s been gone from the parish. In the lengthy and emotional letter, Fr. Finley assures parishioners that his absence has nothing to do with Our Lady of The Rosary. Finley then goes on to explain how burned out he is from the suffering he sees in his work during the pandemic at Washington Hospital, and that he hasn’t had a sabbatical in quite a while.

Father Finley’s letter then takes a bizarre turn. He begins to air his grievances about the institutional church, claiming that the religion founded by Jesus Christ has become a very “unwelcoming” and “unforgiving” place. “As a priest, I do not feel supported by the institution,” Finley writes.

Finley’s letter continues, “I don’t feel that I am an effective priest right now, and I need some time to rest, reflect, and process. So, for this, and other reasons, I am taking a leave of absence from parish ministry for a while. I ask you to understand and hold me in prayer. I will continue my work at the hospital.”

The letter ends with Finley telling parishioners, “Our Lady of The Rosary is the only parish where I minister, so there is no need for others outside the parish to know.”

Nowhere in Finley’s rambling, self-pitying letter (that took Fr. Jesus more than four minutes to read) does Finley say anything about him being suspended for a sexual misconduct investigation.

I was enraged when I heard this letter read on the parish’s Facebook livestream. I was angry with Finley for lying about his suspension, and I was angry with the Diocese of Oakland for their failure to prevent this by refusing to publicly announce Finley’s suspension when it first happened. Finley was now being allowed to control the narrative and manipulate his parishioners into supporting him.

Later that week, I called Our Lady of The Rosary parish to talk to the pastor, Fr. Jesus, to ask him why he read that letter at Mass that told lies about a suspended priest.

Father Jesus’ response floored me: “I didn’t know he was suspended.”

The Our Lady of The Rosary pastor explained to me that no one at the diocese had informed him that Fr. Finley was placed on leave. Since Finley was not officially assigned to the parish and only assisted when he was available, Fr. Jesus explained to me that Finley simply told the parish that he was unavailable for the time being.

The Diocese of Oakland suspended Fr. Jeff Finley due to a sexual misconduct investigation, but they didn’t bother to inform anyone, besides Fr. Finley himself. Even though I didn’t know much about the abuse reporting and investigation process at the time, I never even thought to ask the diocese if they were going to inform Finley’s parish and religious order, since it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world for them to do.

Up until this point, I had tried to be as private and prudent as possible about this situation. Instead of publicly blasting Fr. Finley or the diocese, I tried to go through the “proper channels” within the church, hoping that they would handle the situation correctly and justly.

But I was now at my wit’s end. The Diocese of Oakland’s incompetence had enabled Fr. Jeff Finley to publicly lie about his suspension and attempt to control the narrative. I was done being polite.

I knew assertive action was now necessary.

December 15, 2020: Reporting Fr. Finley to Washington Hospital

I was angry at Finley for what he did to me as a young man and was infuriated that he didn’t have the courage to tell the truth to his parishioners. And I was frustrated with the Diocese of Oakland for not taking my case seriously and for dragging their feet during the entire process. At this point, I had lost all confidence in the diocese and decided that I needed to take matters into my own hands if I wanted to hold Finley accountable.

If Fr. Finley hadn’t written that ridiculous letter to Our Lady of The Rosary, I wouldn’t have known that he was still working at Washington Hospital while he was suspended as a priest in the diocese. I knew that Finley was the Palliative Care coordinator. This means that I knew where to contact Finley if I wanted to make some noise.

I emailed the palliative care office and told them that Fr. Jeff Finley was sexually inappropriate with me when I was a young man. I informed them (as I assumed they didn’t know) that Finley was currently under suspension from the diocese for the sexual misconduct investigation.

I also called the office and left a voicemail for Fr. Finley (knowing that his coworkers would also hear it) challenging him to be honest about what he did to me when I was a young man and to tell his coworkers that he’s under suspension for sexual misbehavior.

As one would expect, Washington Hospital was very concerned when they received my messages. Hospital management contacted me to set up a conference call for later that week. I told them everything that I had reported to the Diocese of Oakland, but made sure to clearly state that my experiences with Finley had nothing to do with his employment at Washington Hospital, and that I had no expectation of any type of action or compensation from them. I also apologized to them if anyone who heard my voicemail was hurt or emotionally triggered by the blunt content.

I told the hospital officials that the story about Finley was going to come out publicly in a few days.

Although what happened to me wasn’t Washington Hospital’s fault, I am very grateful that they were compassionate toward me and took the time to hear my story.

I was told that the hospital fired Finley shortly after their conversation with me.

Dec. 19, 2020: Fr. Jeff Finley permanently banned from Oakland Diocese

Three days after Fr. Finley’s letter was read at Our Lady of The Rosary, I emailed Bishop Michael Barber with the subject line:

“Abuse story going public on Dec. 21. (Poorly handled Jeff Finley/St. Edward’s case).”

I copied Wilcox and other Diocese of Oakland officials to make sure that the diocese got the message. I told the bishop in the email and Wilcox on the phone that my story was going to come out, one way or another. I gave the diocese a choice: You publicly announce Fr. Jeff Finley’s suspension or I will. I assumed that a self-interested diocese would be motivated to “get ahead of” an unflattering story.

I also provided the bishop with a list of actions I wanted him to undertake to help rectify the situation. I was purposely blunt and lengthy with my demands to the diocese, hoping that the “anchoring” technique of asking for the sky and settling for a middle-ground would help get me results. Among other things, I demanded that the bishop publicly apologize to Fr. Jesus, pastor of Our Lady of The Rosary, for failing to inform him that Fr. Finley was suspended. I also told the bishop to make it clear that Fr. Finley lied in his letter a week prior to Our Lady of The Rosary parishioners.

On Dec. 19, 2020, two days before the deadline I gave them, the Diocese of Oakland published a letter announcing that Fr. Jeff Finley’s faculties to operate as a priest in the diocese have been removed due to “boundary violations with an adult man.” The letter further explained:

“The diocese has conducted an internal investigation. The diocesan Review Board has also reviewed the case and affirms Bishop Barber’s decision. The removal of priestly faculties is limited to Father Finley’s functioning as a priest within the Diocese of Oakland. All other decisions regarding his future are the responsibility of the Missionaries of the Precious Blood.

Barber also complied with my instructions for him to apologize to Fr. Jesus and to clarify that Fr. Finley was dishonest about his leave of absence:

Last weekend at Our Lady of the Rosary a statement was read that misled parishioners regarding the reason for Father Finley’s absence from the altar.  The Diocese did not communicate Father Finley’s status to Our Lady of the Rosary and Father Finley’s letter was read without confirming the facts.  Bishop Barber has apologized to the pastor, Father Jesús Nieto-Ruiz, for this error and asks forgiveness from those affected by this lapse in communications.

I was relieved that the diocese finally did the right thing and publicly announced Finley’s suspension, and that parishioners knew that Fr. Jeff Finley lied to them.

On Christmas Eve, just a few days after Fr. Finley suspiciously asked parishioners to keep his absence a secret, articles about Finley’s suspension were published in the San Francisco Chronicle, Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests, and other media outlets.

I’m proud that I advocated for myself and exposed Finley’s lies. And I’m proud of myself that I contacted Washington Hospital to warn them about Finley, as well. I did nothing wrong by telling the truth. Finley’s actions alone lead to these consequences.

“Help Father Jeff”

In March 2021, a supporter of Fr. Finley, Jeanie Ahn, organized the GoFundMe campaign Help Father Jeff:

Father Jeff Finley has cared for our community for more than 30 yrs. He has served at St Edward Church in Newark, as the chaplain at Washington Hospital, and more recently in WH Palliative Care Service. He has unfortunately been the target of a deeply unhappy individual who has managed to not only get Fr Jeff fired from Washington Hospital, but also to cost him his priesthood.  It is difficult to recover from such gross miscarriages of justice but we would love to support Father Jeff and help him with lawyer fees and whatever he needs. If you would like to participate in supporting Father Jeff, please join us.

When I found the GoFundMe page, I noticed that supporters could have a message posted on the page if they donated. So, I donated $5.00 and told everyone that I was the person that reported Finley. My message appeared on the page along with all of the other supporters. It was worth the five bucks.

I then asked some friends of mine to contact GoFundMe and/or the organizer to tell them to stop raising funds for a priest removed for sexual misconduct.

The next day, Jeanie Ahn (who changed her display name to simply “J”), emailed supporters an update: “This fundraiser is now defunct.”

Finley, once again, was playing the victim to his supporters. And, once again, I shut him down. Unfortunately, the fundraiser had already been up for a couple of weeks before I found it, so Finley was able to raise more than 12 thousand dollars before it was removed. Dozens of people, some of whom donated hundreds of dollars, willingly gave money to a priest who was suspended for sexual misconduct and who publicly disparaged the person who reported his abuse.

April 2021: Fr. Finley’s lawyer contacts me

In addition to lobbying for the removal of Finley’s GoFundMe campaign, I also sent a private message to Jeanie Ahn, the organizer of the fundraiser. I told Ahn who I was, gave her my contact information, and told her to let Finley contact me. I also provided a link to an unlisted YouTube video message I recorded for Finley, calling him out for his abuse of me as a young man, for misleading his supporters about his suspension, and challenging him to try to sue me if he thinks I did something wrong to him.

In the private video message, I told Finley that my patience was wearing thin and that I was tempted to spill all the gory details of my abuse report against him publicly. (At this time, the only publicly available information about Finley’s suspension was that he was ousted for “boundary violations with an adult man.”)

Father Finley was too much of a coward to contact me himself. Instead, he had his lawyer call me.

On April 8, 2021, I received a call from an unknown phone number with a 408 area code. Having grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I knew this call was coming from the South Bay.

The man on the phone identified himself as Fr. Jeff Finley’s lawyer. I immediately became aggressive with him, asking him why he’s taking money from an abusive priest. I then demanded that he set up an online meeting with Finley and I so that I could confront him.

To his credit, Finley’s lawyer was very patient with me. As it turns out, he told me that he was also a Catholic who experienced a priest being sexually inappropriate with him as a young man. (In his case, it was a Jesuit priest.) He told me that a doctor friend of his contacted him to help with Fr. Finley’s case, and that he decided to call me as a last-ditch effort to prevent me from escalating an already sensitive situation.

After I calmed down, I shared with Fr. Finley’s lawyer my frustrations with his client’s antics and lack of accountability. I told him that it was very hurtful to see Finley’s supporters believe that I lied in my report against the priest.

Finley’s lawyer then told me something that shocked me. “Nobody thinks you’re lying,” he said.

It was at this moment that I realized that I had misinterpreted Fr. Finley’s closest supporters. It wasn’t that they didn’t believe me. It was that they thought me reporting Finley was worse than anything he may have done to me.

I learned in my later work as an advocate and journalist for adult victims of priest abuse that it is very common for misbehaving clergy to have a loyal stable of enablers ready to defend them.

Over the next couple of years, I would have occasional phone calls with Finley’s lawyer during which I would express my interest in having a phone or video meeting with him to hash out our differences. Finley’s lawyer would politely suggest to me that such a conversation would not be prudent. This answer always frustrated me, but I understood why he didn’t want his client to talk to me and potentially put his foot in his mouth.

“[Fr. Finley] is very upset by the fact that you have ruined his life.”

When I discovered Fr. Finley’s GoFundMe page, I once again contacted the Missionaries of The Precious Blood Atlantic Province to express my frustration with Finley’s behavior. “I want Finley to face me on video or phone,” I emailed to a province official. “He needs to hear my voice.  Please help me make this happen.”

The official wrote back saying, “He absolutely does not want to talk to you. He does not know you and having seen a photo of you does not recognize you at all. He is very upset by the fact that you have ruined his life. He has no job and no ministry. The fact that his name has been maligned by the media, internet and various interest groups has left him in a dark place.”

It was very upsetting to hear that Finley was still blaming me for his problems and failing to take personal responsibility for what he’d done. Once again, I was being treated by Finley, and his religious order, as if I had done something cruel to him by simply reporting what he had done to me.

(I wish to note that this official later apologized to me for saying that I “ruined” Finley’s life.)

May 2021: Settlement from Oakland Diocese

In May 2021, I pursued a financial settlement from the Diocese of Oakland for the suffering I experienced at the hands of Fr. Finley as a young man and for the unnecessary pain caused by their bungling of Finley’s case.

The diocese asked for copies of my therapist’s notes to prove that I was traumatized. My former therapist sent the notes to me, and I edited out certain sections that were not relevant to my case before sending to the diocese. The diocese responded by asking me why I redacted certain sections of the therapy notes. I told them that everything relevant to the Finley case was included and that the redacted sections were private. (I’m glad that I stood up to them and didn’t let them violate my privacy.)

A few weeks later, I received a check in the mail with Bishop Michael Barber’s name on it with no other message included. No apology. No note. No prayer card. Nothing. Just a fucking check. To the Diocese of Oakland, I was nothing more than an account balance to be cleared.

June 2023: Fr. Finley has “no intention of returning” to the priesthood

Over the years since I first reported Finley, I have checked in with the Missionaries of The Precious Blood Atlantic Province for updates on his status. (In fact, it’s possible that I am in more contact with the religious order than Finley himself is at this time).

In June 2023, a province official told me by email that Finley “has distant(sic) himself from our religious community, the order, and has no intention of returning to the religious community nor priestly ministry within the future.” He also said, “He is completely independent from us and has not communicated with the religious community during this time.”

A note in the community’s July 2023 Bloodlines newsletter announced that Finley had “revisited his status” and had been granted a temporary indult from the community, effective January 12, 2022 through January 2025.

This means that, as of right now, Jeff Finley is no longer bound by the vows or authority of his religious order. And it sounds like he has no intention of ever changing that.

Why, then, do some of Finley’s supporters still think he is at all interested in recovering his priesthood?

“YOU need to be shut down and taken to court for slander and libel.”

In June 2024, I called the pastor of St. Edward Catholic Church in Newark, Fr. Mark Amaral, to ask him why his parish continues to publish yearly birthday Mass intentions for Finley even after I’ve repeatedly asked them to stop. Amaral told me that Finley is still a priest in good standing with his religious order, despite not being a priest in the Diocese of Oakland.

Amaral became indignant when I informed him that Finley had actually removed himself from his order. He told me to call the diocese lawyer and hung up on me.

I published an article about my upsetting phone call with Fr. Amaral and, for the first time, publicly provided some details about what I experienced with Fr. Jeff Finley.

Soon after I published the article, a lawyer from the Diocese of Oakland contacted me and demanded that I retract some statements from the article. (I stand by my piece and refuse to retract any content.) In a sick coincidence, the same diocese lawyer who had administered my abuse settlement was now threatening me with legal action.

Someone else who didn’t like my article was a Fr. Finley sycophant who called themself “Batman” and sent me the following disturbing message on Substack:

Nothing you described sounds like abuse. Where is the sexual battery? Assault? Rape? Groping and fondling?? You were an adult when these adult conversations happened. “Crossing of boundaries,” as the bishop’s letter states, amounts to no more than unprofessionalism. Father Finley COMMITTED NO CRIME and that was determined by the investigator you worked with. He needs to be reinstated immediately. YOU need to be shut down and taken to court for slander and libel.

Very few people know what I told the investigator, so I assume this person is someone close to Fr. Finley. Why won’t Finley tell the truth to those close to him and let them know that he has no intention of returning to the priesthood? Why does he continue to play the victim?

September 2024: Giving Fr. Finley one last chance

On September 1, I stumbled upon Fr. Finley’s contact information listed publicly on a website for the Missionaries of The Precious Blood. For the last four years, I have desperately wanted to be able to contact Finley directly to try to get him to talk to me and apologize for everything he did.

I waited several weeks to decide what to do with Finley’s contact information. Should I call him? What do I say? What if he just hangs up? Should I curse him out on his voicemail?

I finally decided that the best thing to do would be to write an article about my experiences (the article you are reading right now) and give Finley the opportunity to comment, defend himself, or apologize.

On September 20, I texted and emailed Fr. Finley a link to a draft of this article and invited him to respond.

I didn’t receive a reply.

I was disappointed, but not surprised that Finley continues to be a coward who is too stubborn to accept accountability.

Aftermath

My biggest frustration with this situation over the last four years has been Fr. Jeff Finley’s refusal to accept personal responsibility for what he’s done. I sincerely hope that, someday, Fr. Jeff Finley has the courage to tell the truth and apologize to everyone he’s hurt. He should apologize to the parish of Our Lady of The Rosary for lying to them about his leave of absence. He should apologize to Washington Hospital for hiding his priest suspension from them. He should apologize to the Missionaries of The Precious Blood for isolating himself from them. He should apologize to all of the people who donated to his GoFundMe under the false pretense that he was being unfairly targeted by me.

And, most importantly, he should apologize to me for the mental anguish he caused me over the years. He should apologize for abusing his positional power to coerce me into sexually inappropriate situations when I was a vulnerable young man. He should apologize to me for blaming me when his life fell apart instead of blaming himself. He should apologize to me for all the hours I’ve spent processing anger and frustration in therapy. He should apologize to me for all the tears and the nightmares that still reoccur from time-to-time.

But Fr. Finley and the Diocese of Oakland should also know that they, unintentionally inspired me. My experiences with Finley and church officials gave me the experience to aid other adult victims of priest sexual misconduct. I’ve been able to help others report abuse to the church and receive justice.

My priest abuse, and reporting the abuse, made me realize that many in the church simply do not take adult victims of priest sexual misconduct seriously. We are blamed by Catholics (and sometimes even ourselves) for being complacent in what happened to us. We are told that our sexual exploitation was “consensual” and not an abuse of the priest’s positional power. We are asked why we waited so long to report. We are told that we reported in the wrong way. We are told that the priest didn’t break the law. We are told that we are too angry. We are told that we ruined the priest’s life.

My initial goal was never to have Fr. Jeff Finley removed from the priesthood. In fact, I’m on record in emails in 2020 to the Diocese of Oakland advocating for him to receive counseling and be returned to ministry. (These days, with what I know now about abusive priests, I would be much more hesitant to offer such recommendations.)

In my advocacy for adult victims of priest abuse, my goal is never to “ruin” any priest’s life. My goals are to help victims receive justice and for the institutional church to enact proper, proportionate consequences upon the offender priest.

I truly hope that Fr. Jeff Finley and every problematic priest I’ve reported on in my advocacy work eventually will have the integrity to soberly and honestly reflect upon their actions and strive to reform their lives.

If you appreciate my journalism and advocacy for adult victims of priest misconduct, please consider buying me a coffee.☕